Happy World Mental Health Day everyone!
How are you all doing especially today?
Lately I have been doing a lot of reflection of the past year and how I was mentally, emotionally and physically this time last year and how much I have improved and how far I have come despite set backs along the way.
World Mental Health Day 2019 involved me packing my car ready to start the journey to Scotland to do the Dawn to Dusk walk for Mind. This was a time when my PTSD was at an all time high. I couldn't sleep, if I did sleep I would wake up with insane heart palpitations like my heart was going to pump through my chest, I was a nervous, shaken wreck pretty much 24/7. I was genuinely scared for my life and didn't even know if I would even make it to the walk that weekend. However, that weekend I completed the walk, raised over £2,000 for Mind and finally got to go Scotland like me and Shaun had planned. After that weekend things seemed to get easier. I had proved to myself that I could do things even if I thought I couldn't. I had proved that I am stronger than I ever believe I am and capable of more than I realise.
Through this year I have worked through CBT to help my PTSD which I now have no symptoms of, I have had regular counselling sessions with them only being as and when for the past 4 months, I feel in such a better place although not every day is easy I can see, notice and honour the change in me and the strength I have to continually show up for myself even when I don't feel its worth it. I can also honour within me that currently I have anxiety around food and haven't eaten a solid meal for about 3 months now, I am working my way through and seeking the help I know I need by reaching out to Talking Therapies and now being referred back to CBT to get help with this fear around food I now have. Anyone who knows me well knows how much I love food haha! Food has always been a comfort to me and for it now o be my main source of anxiety has meant that I know need to find a new way to comfort and ease my anxiety in a healthier ways.
So today and every day I hope you can make time for yourself just a little each day or seek help or emotional support when needed too. For me, right now, I know I need to put myself first and honour when I need to rest and retreat. This doesn't mean I cant be there for other people but it does mean that I can say NO when it is needed.
Not everyday will be sunshine and happiness but those day will always come again no matter how dark and miserable it may seem.
YOU are enough
YOU matter
YOU are loved
All my love
Sammiie x