As I write this blog, sat on a bench in my garden on this cold autumnal day, I can hear the crows chatting away, the chickens clucking to each other, the sun trying to shine through the clouds and trees. The boys are inside watching tele, playing on their tablets. Whilst my heart feels so heavy with immense sadness, yet I feel so incredibly grateful to live where I do, to have my 3 healthy boys (minus a few coughs) and for this life I have.
Gratitude has become a very popular word recently. People are practising daily gratitude lists, social media is filled with
but I wonder how many of us truly feel the powerful magic of gratitude and being completely thankful for what they have ? Now I know how magical gratitude lists can be I have written gratitude lists for years from a simple 2 minute list to a whole journal piece and I always felt grateful whilst doing them. However, I don't think i truly felt it in my core.
I was watching Children In Need last night with the boys (yes we were all in the same room without arguing ha!) we were enjoying the entertainment and the family stories. For the 1st time i actually sat and watched these stories, usually i found them to upsetting so would avoid them! I looked around at my boys and was overwhelmed by the gratitude I felt in my core. It was so powerful I felt that time was standing still as I looked at my boys, at our living room, the fire keeping us warm, my heart felt so loved and complete. After watching the pain some of these families have been through from hospital trips to surgeries I felt pretty darn lucky that my boys have never had to go through that pain.
Lately I have been feeling so much sadness for my boys growing up without their Dad. Would they remember him ? Would they grow up affected or unaffected by whats happened ? Could I bring them up to be the gentlemen Shaun would have intended? Am I going to be enough playing both mother and father to 3 head strong boys ? All thees questions and so many more plague me daily but in the moment last night I knew no matter what my doubts maybe, these boys would grow up knowing the are safe, protected and loved by not just me but by Shaun too and that they are the greatest gift we both needed.
My heart is so grateful to Shaun for everything he ever gave me, from the boys, to our home. He gave me strength when I needed it and although we had a very bumpy road, like a lot of couples, he put magic back in my life and heart when I thought it didn't exist anymore.
Something I am learning along my mental health journey is the magic and power to finding gratitude is in those some what insignificant details, its in a birds song, or seeing the sunshine through the tress, these little nuggets of magic in everyday life just want to be noticed and in finding them you can find and help yourself.
On some of my darker days I would search for a simple feather or angel numbers (33), a birds song or just even an easy breathe, just a small something to give me hope. The more I could find these moments of gratitude the more of them I would find. You see the magic of practising gratitude is the more you are grateful,the more you have to be grateful for.
If you are struggling today, I hope you can find a small detail in your day to be grateful for and I wish you find 2 more tomorrow.
All My Love.